It is Thanksgiving, and I thank God every day for bringing Diane Hale, RN CFCE into my life.
November 25, 2025Bringing SPICE Into Marriage
In today’s culture, sexuality is often presented in a very limiting way. The focus is almost solely placed on the physical act of intercourse, and while this aspect is certainly a meaningful and beautiful part of sexuality, it is only one piece of a much larger picture. In fact, “the sexual energy of man and woman is probably about 90% other than genitocentric”. It doesn’t make sense to focus on that small portion 100% of the time, because when we focus too much on just the physical, it is easy to lose sight of the whole person and their inherent dignity.
When we focus too much on just the physical, it is easy to lose sight of the whole person and their inherent dignity.
The Creighton Model (CrMS) offers a holistic and life-giving way of understanding sexuality with a tool called S.P.I.C.E :
Spiritual
Physiological
Intellectual
Creative/Communicative
Emotional
Through the S.P.I.C.E. framework, couples learn how sexuality honors the wholeness of the person, created in the image of God, deepening their appreciation for both themselves and their spouse in ways that go far beyond the physical.
The Spiritual
The spiritual foundation of a relationship is important because we are more than just our bodies—we are body and soul. This means that our sexuality and our relationships have a spiritual dimension too. One of the best ways to nurture this part of marriage is through prayer. Whether it’s going to Mass together or simply setting aside a few moments to pray during the day, praying as a couple helps keep God at the center of the relationship.
Spiritual connection can also grow through kind and loving words. Taking time to genuinely affirm your spouse and appreciate them as a whole person is incredibly meaningful. Saying something as simple as, “I love you, and I love everything about you”, reminds your spouse that they are fully known and fully loved. These small moments of affirmation become powerful spiritual experiences that strengthen both love and unity.
The Physical
The physical, bodily side of things is usually what people think of when they hear the word “sexuality.” And it’s true: the ability for a husband and wife to join with God in creating new life is an incredible gift. But there’s more to this physical aspect than just intercourse. Using the CrMS, many couples choose certain times to avoid intercourse and genital contact. These conscious choices help them become truly sexually free and often create even deeper appreciation for intercourse itself.
Avoiding genital contact is not the same as avoiding each other.
Still, “avoiding genital contact is not the same as avoiding each other.” It’s important for couples to build habits of non-genital, non-arousing touch that build simple foundations of trust and confidence in each other. That said, what feels purely affectionate to one person might feel more stimulating to another, so couples need to talk openly to understand each other’s boundaries.
Simple forms of affirming touch can include hugging, kissing, or holding hands, but even interacting warmly with your children can indirectly communicate love and support to your spouse.
The Intellectual
As human beings, we’re able to learn, appreciate beauty, and make thoughtful choices. Using these capabilities, the gift of fertility can be understood and appreciated to its fullest extent. In order to do this couples should take the time to learn about their own fertility as well as their spouse’s. Doing so will help them make mutual decisions about how to best use their fertility to glorify God.
Exploring sexuality by reading, asking questions, and talking through things together helps couples grow in intellectual confidence and freedom. The CrMS is meant to prompt and support that growth, reminding couples that their own intellectual thinking and free will play an important part in decisions surrounding sexuality.
The Creative/Communicative
While exploring the non-genital side of sexuality can take some creativity and effort from both spouses, it’s well worth it. Finding new, thoughtful ways to express love helps couples expand their view of sexuality as something much bigger than what today’s culture often makes it out to be.
With that in mind, couples can come up with their own personalized ways to put this into practice. It could be anything from taking a walk or sharing a meal to simply taking a moment to check in on how the other is doing. Even small gestures like these, when done with genuine intention, show real care and a meaningful connection between spouses.
The Emotional
Being emotionally open with each other is also an essential aspect of marriage, since couples understand and connect with each other better when they honestly communicate their feelings.
The CrMS is a new approach and thought process for many couples that can involve lots of changes in lifestyle. It’s not uncommon for couples to feel frustrated or confused at times, even if they understand why they’re using it and why it’s helpful. What’s important is that they talk about those more difficult feelings just as openly as the positive ones.
At the same time, simply venting anger or frustration without any direction is not helpful. What leads to genuine growth is recognizing and acknowledging those emotions after they have been expressed and working through them together.
Implementing these elements is sure to bring some S.P.I.C.E into your marriage. If you would like to learn more about SPICE or cycle charting with the Creighton Model, contact The St Gianna Center today at info@stgiannacenter.com or call 813-421-4625.
Happy National Marriage Week!
