St. Joseph and CrMS from the Man’s Perspective

St. Joseph, Head of the Holy Family

St. Joseph is the chaste spouse of the Blessed Virgin Mary and foster father of Jesus Christ, and as such, plays a pivotal role in the history of salvation. However, St. Joseph does not always receive the attention that he deserves. This may in part be explained by the fact that he was not biologically involved in the conception of the Savior (Matthew 1: 18-25). Another factor may be that none of St. Joseph’s words are actually recorded in the Gospels, shrouding him with a degree of mystery. Reflecting upon this silent saint’s actions reveal him to be a hidden treasure of the faith and a gem of family life.

Role of Husband and Father

Similarly, the role of the husband and father in the use of natural means of family planning has maintained lack of appreciation. One explanation could be that while the woman experiences natural times of fertility and infertility, the man’s fertility remains constant throughout his adult life. As a result, when using natural means of family planning such as the Creighton Model System, the observations of fertility symptoms are made by the woman. The system is used by the couple, however, and the role of the man is vital. To illuminate the perspective of the husband in the use of the Creighton Model System, men responded to a voluntary survey, sharing their thoughts and experiences. These testimonies are of interest to all stakeholders in the study of natural family planning. They show the modern husband and father to be a defender of the good in the likeness of St. Joseph.

St. Joseph, Glory of Family Life

St. Joseph is the image of the virtuous husband, guiding and supporting his wife through good times and bad. At moments of great joy, such as the birth of the Savior, the Blessed Virgin Mary found St. Joseph at her side (Luke 2: 1-7). At moments of crisis such as the search for the Christ Child in Jerusalem, she could turn to him for protection and assurance (Luke 2: 41-52). Today, husbands strive to guide and support their wives, including their in use of the Creighton Model System. One husband writes,

As a couple navigates the ups and downs of life together, communication is integral. Communication is also key to the couple’s use of the Creighton Model System. The fertility of any given day, as determined by the woman’s observations, needs to be discussed by the couple together in conjunction with their goals for that day. Men saw this as an advantage to their marriage.

I think (the Creighton Model) has improved our communication and has deepened our view of marital intimacy.

It’s important to understand as a man so we are both on the page.

Both man and wife need to be equally informed about current fertility and what the plan is.

In addition to opening communication, men expressed an interest in understanding the nature of their fertility as a couple.

Its impact is for the better, so we both understand my wife’s cycle and health.

Because the man is an essential component in reproduction, so he should be aware of the woman’s cycle.

My experience has really had two poles of reflection. The first is supporting my wife in what she needs to track things going on her with her body. The second is in marveling over the beauty of fertility. It is important for the man to have these roles.

Empowered by this knowledge, husbands and wives share the gift of their fertility and, wonderously, bring life into this world.

(The Creighton Model System) has helped us become parents.

(The Creighton Model impacts our relationship) positively in that it allows us to plan pregnancies better.

Still, this communication and shared responsibility between the husband and the wife in the use of the Creighton Model System requires time, effort, and sometimes even sacrifice. The question may arise, “How involved does the husband really need to be?” The testimonies of men highlight what is at stake.

There is a tendency to make all the observations, data collection, and determinations out to be something the woman does alone, and then communicates to the man… But across a marriage, this can leave the man out of important parts.

An individual man or woman by himself or herself cannot create a new life. The contribution of both parents is necessary…It is important that a man be involved in use of the Creighton Model because charting to understand the wife’s fertility is not merely her business that he is helping with; it is equally his business.

Husbands need and deserve to be involved in the shared responsibilities of family planning. The process of understanding fertility, communicating goals and desires, and carrying out intentions requires self-giving love on the part of both spouses. This gift of self is the very soul of the marriage.

I think it’s important for the man to be involved so that marital intimacy can be truly relational and mutual, instead of one sided.

…Marital intimacy…is mutual self-gift; so the man has to be living that self-giving through desiring what is best for his wife, e.g. through knowing when is the best time for intimacy vs when is not.

When men, like St. Joseph, live out their vocations as husbands and fathers in sacrificial love, it is impossible to overestimate the impact.

St. Joseph, Terror of Demons

One of the most arresting titles for St. Joseph in the faith tradition is “Terror of Demons.” This striking epithet is well-earned. The Gospel of St. Matthew narrates how St. Joseph led the Blessed Mother and Child Jesus into Egypt to escape the horrific massacre of infants ordered by the jealous King Herod (Matthew 2: 1-18). St. Joseph’s cooperation with the Divine plan was key to Salvation history, and this is why Hell trembles before him. Hell also trembles when ordinary husbands and fathers live out their vocation of sacrificial love.

Like St. Joseph, husbands and fathers have immense power to bring God’s love into a world which direly needs it. Following St. Joseph’s lead, they guide and protect their wives and children, and they give of themselves for the good of the family. This outpouring of self is always beautiful and never easy, including in the area of family planning.

I think recognizing that men are vulnerable and dependent on receiving the information (about fertility) is important to appreciating the man’s role. In so many areas of life, I can make things happen. It is different in charting.

Perhaps the most challenging aspects of life are those that are unknown and beyond control. When a man embarks on learning about the nature of fertility to share the responsibility of family planning with his wife, he encounters both in a very real way. St. Joseph encountered the unknown when he took the Blessed Mother, and hence the Infant Jesus in her womb, into his home and under his protection. Through his example and his intercession, husbands and fathers can live out the radical sacrificial love to which they are called. When they do, Hell is shaken, and Heaven comes down to earth.

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St Gianna Center would like to thank Margaret Sadasivan FCP for contributing this article to our site. Margaret is a FertilityCare Practitioner located in Ave Maria, FL and works with St Gianna Center clients, helping them learn the Creighton Model System to learn more about their gynecologic health and to naturally achieve or avoid pregnancy.

To learn more about FertilityCare, attend one of our monthly Introductory Sessions, offered free via Zoom. Or contact us at info@stgiannacenter.com for more information.

Titles for St. Joseph taken from the Litany of St. Joseph